Pages

Thursday, March 31, 2011

My Mid-Day Thought.

"Slow days like today make me miss the fast-pace of retail. Then I have to give myself shock therapy for thinking such blasphemous thoughts"

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

How I Became Addicted to Diet Coke.

Caffeine might just be my best friend, if I wouldn't have meet my Husband when I did (and if California allowed it) I would have married a extra large Diet Coke from McDonalds.

Don't ask me what it is about us Diet Coke Heads, but we seem to dominate the retail world.  Every single Store Manager I ever worked under was addicted to Diet Coke, along with the co-managers, assistant manager, so on and so on. It got so bad at one point that our vending machine had two spots for Diet Coke! Yikes!

The exposure began in High School, for some reason when I wore size 3 jeans I felt that I needed to drink as much diet soda as possible. My new ever-expanding waistline might need the diet soda, but back then it was foolish to make that my drink of choice. Next thing I knew I was drinking Diet Coke and staying up till 4am. 

Ah, the life of a teenager!

By the time I was working full-time and going to college full-time I was a full fledge Diet Coke addict, I needed it to survive. Since everyone else I knew was an addict, so I felt right at home. 

To this day I am still a Diet Coke head... and Husband hates it. I think mostly because he hates Diet Coke flavored kisses, but he tolerates my addiction because he loves coffee (and Red Bull) and might even have a little bit of a problem himself. 

The first step is admitting it, right?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My Daily Walk

Yow know that older, retired couple that you see every morning walking the dog around the block, and then again every night?

That's totally going to be us.

I mentioned a few blogs back that I have been devoting an hour of my day to exercise. I have learned a few things in the last week:

1) Husband is the "Anti-Runner", nothing I do or say will ever convince him that running is a good thing. He believes that with each running stride he is slowing unweaving the fabric of time and refuses to be the reason the universe implodes. (I don't know if that is 100% true. Honestly, I think he is just lazy, but I'm giving him benefit of the doubt.)

2) Husband will walk anywhere with me as long as I don't start sprinting.

3) We have a superawesometotallyamazing park really close to us that allows dogs. Every time I go there it's like I died and went to park heaven. I sorta live in the ghetto, this park is a very unexpected surprise!

4) Sometimes I out-walk the dogs, and then I am forced to carry them uphill. They are beyond spoiled.

5) I am a walking maniac, if I am alone I can walk until my music playlist has cycled through every song.

6) I think I love walking so much because I used to spend hour upon hour on my feet and work and now I spend hour upon hour on my bum. 

Just throwing it out there, this is an unexpected but totally awesome side effect of not working retail anymore. I loving coming home to the sun still shining, an awake husband, and excited puppies!

Monday, March 28, 2011

A New and Unique View of Monday

Monday used to be my favorite day of the week.  After a long and difficult weekend of sales, I knew I was always going to be the opening manager, and I would be lucky enough to have my "office day" where I could clean up from the hectic weekend and write the schedule for the following week. It was a great time where I could count on my other manager to watch the floor, and learn how to one day be Store Manager themselves (learn from doing, or something like that). I also knew that my DM would be taking his office day, which meant I wouldn't be surprised with a visit where I was chewed out because I wasn't on the sales floor during my entire shift. 

Ah, Mondays, you were my best friend. Now, when I think of you I get a nasty "I miss my weekend" taste in my mouth. Monday now consists of work, work, and more work.  I love my set schedule very much, I wouldn't trade it for the world... but I truly understand having a "case of the Monday's" now. 

I feel like my brain becomes mush over the weekend and I forgot how to properly tie my shoelaces, let alone do my job properly. 

Okay, I kinda lied there... my shoes have no laces. I'm super lazy and just wanted some I could slip on. I must have known in advance that I would be exposed to "stupid Monday" syndrome. 

I guess it is not a bad trade off, I get two days of bliss and simply have to drink an extra Diet Coke on the way to work to function like a normal human being/kinda come close to being able to do my job. I also have to set the alarm clock about 30 mins earlier than any other day as I am a fan of hitting the snooze button. Don't ask me why, but I can cram what feels like an entire night's worth of sleep in 30 minutes of hitting the snooze button every 5 minutes. 

I call it therapeutic, Husband calls it madness.

Monday, you are a worthy opponent in my work week. 

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Pure Joy and Happiness!

I don't plan on adding a lot of pictures to my blog, but the message in this image was amazing! I feel that all people should live by this. Everyone is perfect just the way they are, and being true to yourself is one of the most important things in life.



This is the exact thought that made me flee from retail, I felt that I was losing myself, losing my identity. To my horror I was becoming nothing but a Store Manager, I no longer had time to be anything else. 

I am budding into a person again, and it is an amazing feeling. I also notice the older I get the less I care about what people think. I don't care if I like music that others think is stupid, I don't care if people call me a nerd or geek, I don't care if people stare at me funny because I sing at the top of my lungs in my car!

Why? Because there is nothing more badass than being who you are.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

And...

... the Birthday fun continues!

Why is it we always do more for his Birthday than mine? Oh well, love him lots!

Tonight's blog will be short and sweet, I hope tomorrow to get back to some interesting conversation. Until then, blogging world enjoy this beautiful Saturday!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Wow, March is FULL of Birthdays!

Happy Birthday to my Soul Mate, my Other Half, the Florence to my Machine, my Husband.

I love you.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Sad.

Today is a gloomy day. 

I will spare you all the dirty-dirty details, but my Mother-In-Law is going through an unpleasant divorce and my soon-to-be-Father-in-Law is now bring ME into the mess.

This pains my heart, and makes me SOOOOO angry at the same time.

First, why bring me into it? This is not my divorce, I have nothing to do with his decision to leave his wife. I made the choice to reach out to him and ask if there was anything I could do to make the transition as painless as possible. I really had love for this man, he was my family, and I was sad to think that he wouldn't be part of our lives anymore.

Clearly he didn't feel the same way about me. I think I am most sad about that fact. 

He has no biological children, yet I made sure to invite him over for father's day. I spent days looking for the perfect present for him for Christmas. I made sure to call him on his birthday. I wanted him to always feel like he was a part of our lives. He was my family, just the same as my parents. I really cared about him and his feelings.

Now, I am so blinded by anger I don't know how to feel. My head is in a state of numb sadness, mild but persistent. It is an odd, depressing, irritating feeling. 

I am not one to wallow in pity, yet I can't seem to shake this feeling today. He's got inside of my head and that makes it even worse. (place RAGE noises here).

It is sad that a 50ish year old man has to tear down a 28 year old woman to make himself feel better, and to plead a better case and help him win whatever he thinks he will gain from this divorce. I guess the last 4 years of welcoming him into our lives meant nothing.

Good riddance at this point, my heart has turned to stone; I will never welcome him in as family ever again.  

I know this has nothing to do with my Great Retail Escape, but before I knew it my fingers has typed this entire blog entry... my brain is simply a bystander tonight.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Passion

I believe myself to be a person with a lot of passion. I am passionate about many different things in my life, perhaps that makess me multifaceted, and maybe a little bit boring.

I would love to have one main passion in my life, something that is truly mine. I have always loved music and art, but I have never made it something that I am passionate about, it is not something that consumes my thoughts and I have a yearning, a true love to do it all day every day. 

I wish I had that. 

I think it goes back to my thoughts on finding the perfect job. If only I had something that I have pure passion for I would find my perfect job.

Now that I have a set schedule with more time for discovery, I think I am going to start experimenting to find a PASSION. Perhaps there is not something out there that I will ever feel an ultimate all-consuming passion for, but I would like to know that for certain. I think I will start with getting out my good old keyboard and see if I can remember how to play anything on it. It's been several years since I touched my poor keyboard, I'm sure it'll be happy for the company; maybe it will even help me find the right keys. 

Next, will be dusting off the old art supplies. I used to love drawing, and now that I am older I hope to have a different perspective on my art. I have a feeling I will still start drawing comic book characters. I can't help it, I'm a nerd.

I am not sure what my next "passion" choice will be, but I will keep you posted. 

I am not going to lie, I feel very excited right now. Energized. I think tonight is going to be one of those days I am able to stay awake past 10:30. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

At a Loss For Words

I find myself struggling tonight to find a topic of interest to blog about. This issue really hasn't been a problem before, and I knew the day would come that I would have brain block, I just didn't realize it would be so soon.

I realize now that if I had been thinking more clearly I would have started my idea list many years ago.

Roommate and I worked together at a couple of different companies, he is still a retail slave and I laugh at him frequently. I was his boss (TWICE) so he lets me get away with annoying him a lot. We thought about awesome book titles for crazy retail people... I think tonight I will share a few. 

"The view from the O.A.P's" 
("Overhead Access Panel" for those non-retail peeps. Hey! Maybe an "Acronyms of Retail" would be an excellent post for another night, and maybe I should have titled this blog "brainstorming".)

Next!

"12 Hours and I am Still Here"

How about?

"I Haven't Seen That Episode Yet, I Was Working. Thank Goodness For TiVo"

Or...

"I Have Forgotten What My Husband Looks Like"

Alright, that it the last one I will torture you with tonight. As soon as I finish my first book maybe I will start up on my second one. I think I like the last title the best, I'm sure the husband would too!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Routine

I envy those people who can survive without routine. Personally, I am a failure without a schedule.
My blackberry is so crammed full of my to-do lists and appointments that I am amazed that it has enough free memory to know how to answer phone calls.

The greatest thing about having a set schedule is it offers the opportunity to have a routine, and I am learning I am a much more productive human when routine is available.

FYI - A side effect of less stress and more sitting has resulted in my behind getting much bigger! So now I am devoting one hour of my day to a mild to moderate workout/exercise. I tried to “get in shape” when I was working in retail… that was a nightmare. I had absolutely no time, and I would exercise instead of sleep which (as any college student can tell you) meant I got sick all the time. I swear I was a member of the walking dead most of the time. People would constantly tell me, “oh just get past the two week mark, it always gets better after the two week mark."

Um, yeah, no.

Maybe it got better for YOU after the “magic” two week mark, but for me it was just as painful as day one. It never got better; I tortured myself for a month, got sick, lost a week of exercise, and then tried again.

What a nightmare. Finally I just gave up. I figured I worked on my feet 8-12 hours a day why did I need the stupid-stupid-stupid-stupid-stupid gym.

I am amazed at how refreshing it is coming home and taking the pup out for a jog, and because it is at the same time every night, my body expects that it is coming and I don’t feel dead tired. Hooray!
I guess it is true that you never stop learning about yourself. Throughout my great escape from retail I have been growing and developing as a person. I know now that I am truly dependent on my schedule if I wish to be a productive adult.

My schedule makes my world go round.

I suppose there are a LOT things that are worse to be dependent on, ya know, like crack.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Family.

I am a lucky person, I have family members that I love.

I know that not everyone in this world is lucky enough to have family that you can share a bottle of wine with, I really hope that you have friends that substitute as family. Those people are very important as well.

I am fortunate to have family members that are amazing, and I am glad that I get to spend as much time with them as I do!


Saturday, March 19, 2011

Conversation With a Roomie

Return Policy:
"30 days with the original receipt, unused, in the original packaging"

I have broken the "Return Policy" thousands of times for customers, and most of them were legitimate reasons, and as I have previously blogged if you ask (even if it is your nasty gym socks you have used 50 times) you shall receive.

Tonight Roomie and I a discussed the attempt to return “specialty items” to a store. An excellent example of this is trying to return a jersey because your team lost. Come on people… that is just ridiculous!

On that note, I feel SOOOOO badly for all of you people who work at an electronics store and have to deal with those people who buy a big screen TV for super bowl, just to return it the next day. That must be like Black Friday 2.0.

When I worked for a company that was going out of business we had NO return policy. We were selling clothing at 3 for $5.00; in that situation a return policy is pretty silly. I was screamed at daily from people who got greedy and grabbed a bunch of items without bothering to check sizes. Holding back my screams of despair was difficult. Luckily, the store was going out of business, and I had not heard from my DM in weeks, so I could just walk away. And walk away I did. Many, many, many times.

I wonder what it is like inside the head of a person who buys something with the intent of “renting” it for the weekend. I have tried it, but my conscience gets the better of me and I just wind up keeping it, or not wearing it so I can return it in good faith. I am not cruel and I believe in rules.

Yet, I wonder what it’s like on the dark side.

I mean, I hate you people who think you can wear something for 6 years and get a brand new one because you spent $29.95 on it. BUUUUT you do have a unique view of the world, one that I would enjoy to live in for at least a day. However, I think if I stayed in your brain for longer than that I would have a strong urge to drink. A lot.

If they ever invent a machine that can swap brains with someone, like they did in Futurama, I am down. Any volunteers? I promise not to judge you because you are a terrible shopper *cough*person*cough*

Okay, I lied, I will totally judge you.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Enjoy!

This slightly intoxicated blogger says, "go forth my blogging friends and enjoy your weekend!!"

Why are you still reading??? Go!!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

They Say It's Your Birthday!

I am having a great time!! 

I'm going back to enjoy my St. Patty's Birthday Adventure... we're celebrating more this weekend. I LOVE LOVE LOVE not working weekends anymore!

Woooo!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

It's my Birthday (tomorrow)...


... and I'll blog about nuthin' if I want too!


Today was an excellent day! 

I don't know why I feel so happy and refreshed about life but I do, and nothing of importance or out of the ordinary happened today.

Honestly, Husband and I even got into a little tiff, but that didn't stop my mood. It helped that for my Birthday he promised that he would stop annoying me while I was cooking. Tonight he almost got a face full of steaming hot dinner due to his irritating habit of wanting to give hugs and kisses while I am trying to put ingredients into a pot! Ugh, MEN!

P.S - We are all better now, and he doesn't have 3rd degree burns. Yay!

I turn 28 tomorrow, and I look back at everything that 27 brought and I am very satisfied. Twenty-seven was a good age!! It makes me very excited about what the future holds.

We normally go "all out" for our birthdays (Husband's Birthday is the 25th) but this year due to money constraints we are staying indoors and enjoying each other's company. I might have a twinge of sadness because of this, but it is fully masked by the fact that I am having a happy-dappy day and nothing really can bring me down from my "Kim High". (Not to be confused with “Charlie Sheen” high, I'm pretty sure that'll get you sent to prison.)

March 17th, 2011… Briiiiiiiiing it!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Bank

I have horrifying nightmares about the bank, terrible flashbacks from being written up (yes, a full-on corrective action) because I didn't go every day.

First of all, I get that the company was paying for my time to go to the bank. What they were NOT paying for was my gas mileage. I don't remember signing a contract saying that I would go into my own pocket and pay to take my personal car to the bank and back almost everyday... yes, because I never did sign anything!

The bank was three exits down the freeway, not really that far, but driving back and forth everyday for 2 years added up. What made me even more irritated was the old store that I worked at (same company) was ONE BLOCK from the bank and they had an armor truck come and get the deposit every three days. (what????)

When I called Loss Prevention and asked for this service at my new store their replay was, "it's $300.00 a month for armor and we don't feel there is a need at your store"

Of course not! Why pay for something when you have silly employees that will gladly drive to the bank for you?

This should have been a warning sign for me about how little I was really cared about at the corporate level. Sure, my DM was a decent person and even said "sorry" when he was forced to write me up, but it is amazing to me that they can expect people do give-give-give and never receive anything back.

Ugh, I hate banks.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Ode To The Cell Phone

Dear person talking to your “OMFG BFF 4 EVA” on your cell phone,
I am pretty sure that the cashier that had to listen to your description of what happened between you and that guy last night while you were stupid drunk was not high on their “bucket list” (I asure you, it wasn’t on mine). I am also pretty sure that if you would have simply put the phone down for 3 minutes your entire transaction would have been seamless, and you could have bought your lip-gloss and macaroni and cheese without having to say “huh?” sixteen times because you couldn’t distinguish between the cashier’s voice and the voice on the other end of your iPhone.
I am sorry that contact with a human is too difficult for you, and you thrive only through your phone and social media sites. Try to understand that it IS polite to put the phone down when you are going through the checkout, no matter how difficult it is. There will be questions (such as, “how would you like to pay for this today?”) that you will need to answer (don’t worry, you will not be graded) and your timely response will affect many others.
I understand you love for your cell phone, but PDA is unhealthy in any relationship… so stop sucking face with your blackberry 24-7 and look up and notice the world around you.
Retail people of the world will thank you.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Retail Manager.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Organizational Skills

I am a lean-mean-organizational-machine!  Annnnnd…  that is exactly what my Sunday consisted of.
I think when I left retail as a way to “stand up to the man” or whatever I gave up on keeping things overly organized. These last three months have caused major damage to my personal file cabinet and hard drive. Honestly, it looked like I turned over responsibility of those two things to my incredibly overweight miniature pincher (who I actually call a MAX-pin, and yes, I think it’s clever).
Today was my breaking point; I just couldn’t look at it anymore. My ex-retail brain has been walking by the mess of my file cabinet, and randomly clicking through my hard drive having little mini-seizures because of the mess. I lost it today and organized, then RE-organized everything. I had the time of my life… It was my own personal heaven. I started thinking about the nature/nurture thought, and if my personal work choice forced me into Anal mode, or if I was born with these feelings of OCD.
Before I sign off for the night, I want to express my care and concern for everything that is happening in Japan. I just want to ask this, if you have the capabilities to help, please do.
I wish that something of this magnitude would bring the whole world together and make us realize that we are one species on this planet trying to survive…. Unrealistic, I know… but I don't feel like popping my "nonsensical happy bubble" yet.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Laziest Saturday Of Them All

Today was amazing. Husband and I cleaned the house and then relaxed.
Want to hear something funny? I am still receiving phone calls from the alarm company to my old store. Wouldn’t you think someone would have fixed that by now? I even emailed my old DM and let them know I was receiving these phones calls and it is still happening.
I think it’s hilarious. I have been an EX-Store Manager for three months now!
You know if there had been some memo I missed, or if I did something crazy like never taking away an ex-employees alarm code (can you say loss prevention issue), there would have been a write up in my future.
Back to my Saturday of pure delight … I played Sims 3 for hours… I started a Twitter… I walked the dogs… I chilled in bed for the rest of the day surfing the net.
Best. Day. Ever.
Now it is 10pm, and I think I am going to go to sit back in bed, relax, maybe watch some Netflix and enjoy the last few hours of this awesome day.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Assumptions

Let’s start tonight with an awesome quote shall we?
[I hate] “the assumption that you are stupid because you work in a shop.  Clearly any young person behind a counter MUST be a teen pregnancy, thieving, no good dropout, not a student who needs an extra few quid”.
I want to start by apologizing to the person who said this. Somehow from the time I hit “ctrl-c” to “ctrl-v” I lost your information… but I still laugh each time I read it. What an excellent observation! Why is it that customers assume that you are a complete loser just because you work in retail? I bet your average retail worker has had more college courses than the average retail shopper.
When I was a manager I was mistaken for a Sales Associate so many times it was laughable. I wish I could say it was because I have remarkable selling skills, but the reality is I just look like I am 16. The minute I let them know I was the STORE Manager the immediate response was…
Of the entire store?”
People. Please. It was a 4,000 sq ft store. There wasn’t enough room in that place to play a decent game of hide-and-seek. Yes, I was the store manager of the entire store.
Next question.
“Wow, you look so young, how old are you anyways?”  
OMG…. awkward. Who does that? I hated giving people my age. It gave the customer too much power, and I don’t think I should have to defend myself because I answer “27” not “47”.
Next…
“Good for you Sweetie, what an achievement. But… what about college?”
By this time I was resisting the urge to bang my head up against the wall. How dare you assume that just because I am a Retail Store Manager I never bothered to go to College? I went to college… hell, I even graduated, but this is something people just don’t believe. They assume that to sell apparel for a living you need to be an idiot, a “teen pregnancy, thieving, no good dropout”.
Fewer assumptions please. Thank you. :)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Gosh darn it!

First off, I am alive. For those oddballs who looked over the blog while I was dying, thank you. Sorry for the lack of content.

I don't really know what got me thinking about this post, but for those of you who have worked in retail... do you ever really notice how much you cuss? I mean, honestly!?

I've worked in retail practically all my life, and if I have learned anything from that (and MythBusters) cussing really does make you feel better. I don't think it should be applied to all situations, and some people are just maniacs screaming F’s and A’s and B’s all over the place. That is a little ridiculous.

Oh, and if you ever cuss at someone to make them feel like less of a person, I think you should be forced to scrub toilets for the rest of your life as punishment because no person deserves that.

What I do know is I learned how to cuss in retail, and I learned how to do it really, really, really, well. Sorry mom, it wasn’t on the playground like you always thought, it was behind the door of EDP at my first retail job. We are well versed in cussing. It is like an art to us... we make the words sounds like poetry. ORRRRR we just scream and yell like a lunitic about some crazy customer who just called us a worthless use of air. CUSS my friends! Cuss like you have never cussed before! You will feel better.


Just don’t let Human Resources hear you.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Less Sick!

I am feeling like a human again, I believe tomorrow will be back to regular posting! :)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sick x2

Not any better today, crossing my fingers for a speedy recovery tomorrow!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Sick

Feeling terrible tonight, I'm going to go lie down and watch Netflix. Yay for Netflix.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Dehumanizing Ourselves

I find it amazing how much humanity we lose while being served by others. Why can't we become more human as we interact with other humans? Instead people act like two intact male dogs urinating all over each other trying to prove who is Alpha. Of course retail people have been trained to be non-dominant at all times... which means we are the ones that get peed on the most.

I am curious why is it that people feel the need to call someone an "idiot" because they made a mistake. I remember once when I was still a Sales Associate I brought a size medium shirt to a customer who needed a size large. Someone had placed the shirt on a hanger with the incorrect size donut, and I was too swamped with other things to check the tag. Stupid hanger let me down.

I was then called a incompetent bitch by a 45 year old women 1/2 naked in a fitting room frantically swinging that hanger around. It was a horrific sight. After retrieving her large t-shirt I went about my business, which included being called to the register by a manager to help ring up customers. Tragically I was now face-to-face with hanger lady.

"Oh my god", she barked. "Do you even know HOW to use a register? I already know you can't read... I don't think they should trust you with money." 

I gritted my teeth as I rang her up and processed her cash transaction. She made a fuss about counting the change back on my register one bill at a time and comparing it to her receipt. At 19 years old I was unbelievably embarrassed, and that day I took my first step into cold hearted management.

My friends, I was turning to stone, and I didn't know it.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Saturday Again.

I'm taking the night off from Blog Brainstorming. I will say this, I started the outline for my book *patting self on back* and I am ready to start writing. Hooray!

Oh, and I am enjoying the company of the husband, good friends, and alcohol tonight. The only sadness in me is Best Friend is not here... the pain I was feeling a few days ago has evaporated.

Saturday, I am here to enjoy you again!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Mental Health Days

I used to believe that people who needed "Mental Health Days" (or joked about needing them) were weak individuals. In my mind those were the type of folks who got nowhere in life. They were the kind you saw stuck behind a register for 15 years because their "weak minds" couldn't handle working 22 hours straight.  I never wanted to be that type of person. Oh no, I was "dedicated", "determined", "focused", etc.

I was also full of crap.

Humans need breaks, vacations, and a day where they can say "I want to stay in my pajamas all day and not be judged for doing it!" I don't think that every day should be a Mental Health Day, but my thoughts towards having one every-now-and-then have changed. Sometimes you just need a day off from life. 

It is odd to see my 180 since I decided that I needed a "career change". After about a 25 minute conversation to myself OUTLOUD while driving home from work (after the third week in a row of working everyday and doing split shits) I pulled over, got out of my car, and walked around it once going over the "master plan" in my head of how I was going to get out of retail. To say I was a mess was the ultimate understatement. I really needed a Mental Health Day right about that time, hell, I needed a Mental Health WEEK. I got home in one piece, but I was forever altered.

That was the night I began my search of freedom, I stayed up until 3am searching other options. I also decided that "health before wealth" was my new life motto, and I was going back to school. 

I have been evolving since that night. I love the person, wife, daughter, and friend that I am becoming. I no longer define myself as a Retail Store Manager alone. I have other dimensions that are becoming more clear as I have the time and energy to explore them.

P.S. - Mental Health Day people, you are awesome!! I applaud your dedication to staying happy in your life, and not losing your mind in a Saturn SL1 at the ripe old age of 27.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Relief and Dedication

Today I feel better. Back to the good ol' self. Well... almost.

I feel comfortable saying, I am happy again. I am content. Yes I am still stressed... but I have a wonderful husband who always makes me feel better. I'm pretty sure that is why I married him. Oh, and he makes amazing crepes.

I also had a couple shots of vodka. Shhhhhhhh, don't tell.

I have been thinking about writing a book for about 3 years now, yesterday's meltdown got me thinking about it again. I started this blog as a way to vent, but also as a way to prove to myself that I am capable of putting my thoughts down and keeping them organised and focused for longer than a week. (so far so good!) I think an expansion of this blog into book form would be awesome, but finding the time to write is the hard part! Keeping up with this blog isn't hard... as some of you may notice there are a few blogs that have very little worth. Unfortunately, you can't have a bunch of chapters in a book about how you went to eat Sushi with a Canadian!

Okay so here it is, my dedication to writing a book! Don't be stealing my golden ideas now... haha.

Title and Pitch:
Can I Speak to Your Manager?
"My Great Escape From Retail"

Mobility:
I  promise myself to keep Evernote open on my computer and phone and write down ideas as they appear in my brain. I am notorious for having amazing brainstorms in the shower, and then forgetting everything 30 mins later because I was still waking up. This cycle of washing great ideas down the drain stops tonight! I also promise to have pen and paper handy, just in case.

Environment:
I shall write the first draft of my book in Microsoft Word and I will write organically; nothing gets deleted. If it sucks, it sucks. I refuse to give up on any idea for my first draft. If the concept is 100% bogus, it will go bye-bye in draft two or three. Anything and everything goes for draft one.

Momentum:
I pledge to not push myself, but I also pledge not to give up. I'm going to create rules for me to follow, and I am dedicating myself to following them. Weekends are "freedom days from work" and I am making a promise to myself that I will not sit down to write the book on the weekends. My writing days will be Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Even if my writing is crap, at least I am putting words onto paper.

Chapter Evolution:
Just because a chapter is not complete, doesn't mean I can't move on to another chapter. I don't care if the entire book gets written except for chapter two.... I'm not going to box myself in and piss myself off by getting stuck on a chapter without the ability to just move on.

Table of Contents/Outline:
I vow to have a rough draft of the book by April 15th, no later.

Patience:
I don't plan on finishing this book for two years. I don't want to put a "goal" on the time it takes to write a book. From what I am reading two years is about average. I vow not to say "hooray, my book is done!" until after March 2013. If I am still not finished by that date, I vow not to be discouraged.

Alright, it is official. Book writing days are approaching!

But first, sleep.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I Still Have Bad Days.

Today was an overwhelming day. Stress came from everywhere... The Mother-In-Law was very sick this morning, I am stressing over our finances, and I have a toothache with no freaking insurance. Tonight I feel like a failure. I gave up a lifestyle and a career that I hated to find joy again, and tonight I don't have it.

Tonight all I feel is shame and sorrow for the financial situation I placed my family in.

I don't know if I blogged this yet, but Husband doesn't work. It is a complex situation and I just don't have the strength to get into right now. Cliff notes version is this, we are very happy to have the Mother-In-Law living with us, but often it seems like a full time job for the Husband... and there are some plans that are currently interrupted because we love our family and want the best for them.

This places the financial burden upon my shoulders, and as I have stated before, I am not getting paid what I used too. The stress of this had not hit me full force until tonight...

I think I need a good night's sleep and some Husband snuggles. I know my attitude will be better in the morning, and I know that I will find the answers to my problems. I know I made the right decision, I know this is what is right for our family. It's just a little hard to accept reality tonight.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Round Cookies

My ex-retail brain needs a rest for the day, so today's post is going to be personal. I have decided to post something about me, me, and me. So here is it... I have a "thing" for round cookies; they are little circles of pure delight. (I wonder what Freud would say about that.)

I should clarify that statement and tell you that I do not get all excited when I open a pack of Oreos and see that every cookie inside is round. I like the "organically grown" round cookies, the ones that started off as a blob of cookie dough on a cookie sheet and baked into beautiful little circles. This makes me think about how much I love everything to be perfect, and to achieve perfection I must have control. OVER EVERYTHING.

Poor Husband. (Yes, I really feel bad for him this time.)

Interestingly, during these last few months away from the retail job I have a gained some relief from my crazy urge to rule as Queen Supreme over everything. I know that my obsessive need to control and manage the perfection in my life is still there (as shown in my pure joy over round cookies), but I have less urges to run our marriage (and life) like a business. Yup, that's right, I now run our marriage like a marriage. Like all those stupid books tell you to do.... (guess I should have read them.)

A perfect example of this is taking out the trash. I hate taking out the trash!! I don't know why this chore makes me want to scream, but ever since I can remember I have hated doing it. I love to vacuum, I don't mind washing the dishes, and I enjoy organizing/paying the bills. I hate taking out the trash. Two months ago I would have looked at Husband and said, "you need to make sure you take out the trash before 9 o'clock." Pure business. Now, (lucky Husband) I found that I ask him to take out the trash, and I even use the word please. Wow. Go me!

I am no longer the Manager of Trash! This is the one time in my life I have ever been happy to be demoted. I am so thankful for these small changes in my life. As I write this, something a friend of mine wrote in her blog sticks with me every day... I never knew how miserable I was until I was free.

GOODBYE CORPORATE LIFESTYLE! Hellloooooooooo Round Cookies.

And I totally blogged about retail... damn. We will have to try again for a purely personal blog another night.